Mind blown today—Judaism/Christianity/Islam all share the same roots. Ditched class to dig deeper. Here’s my cheat sheet:
1. Judaism (OG Version)
• The blueprint. Sticks to Old Testament (pre-Jesus)
• Exclusive membership vibe
• Fun fact: They actually narc’d on Jesus for “heresy”
2. Christianity (Remix Edition)
A) Catholic DLC
- Jewish expansion pack
- Vatican boss battle required
- God hotline: Pope-only access
B) Eastern Orthodox Patch 1054
- Constantinople server
- Putin allegedly plays this version
C) Protestant Mod
- 1517 Martin Luther mod removes microtransactions
- No more priest middlemen
- Church dress code: Casual Friday everyday
(Side note: Catholic pay-to-win schemes included indulgence loot boxes)
3. Islam (Final Update)
• Respects Moses & Jesus as beta testers
• Muhammad = definitive version
• Daily grind: 5x prayers
• Hardcore mode: Ramadan (no food/water, but PE class still mandatory lol)
Disclaimer: Oversimplified but gets you through the quiz.
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