Haven’t written properly in a couple of weeks—been in a bit of a slump lately. But here are some thoughts while I’m feeling clear-headed. Let me start with realizations:
Though these two weeks haven’t been smooth, my mindset has shifted somewhat.
At least in the short term, I’ll stay relatively optimistic—until I lose the “ability to express myself.” After all, the world goes on with or without me.
Suffering through a day is still a day; joy is also a day. As I once wrote:
“Perhaps once you truly understand the world, you realize there’s no absolute good or bad—only perspective and the attitude you bring.”
Not elated by gain, not distressed by loss.
Our reality is shaped by our mind; our world reflects our heart.
Let go of one thought, and a thousand worries vanish.
Live in the moment, never in regret.
One truth remains: we can’t change the past, nor what’s about to happen in the near future—exams, deadlines, events, races (say, within 3–7 days). So why not live happily and plan only for what lies further ahead?
A Share (wrote this earlier but felt it was too shallow):
“It seems that as a student of the Way, if one carries spring in their heart, they need not seek pleasure in worldly comforts. Rather, everything in this world can bring them joy.”
— Hongyi Master’s Miscellanies
I learned about Hongyi through my father, who follows Buddhism. Though I don’t practice any religion (I’m atheist), I do believe in cultivating the mind—like Wang Yangming’s philosophy. The two aren’t at odds: science explains many feelings well.
“Pleasure” comes from dopamine (short-term reward), “fulfillment” from endorphins (long-term contentment).
With both an emotional brain and a rational mind, we can use imagination—what sets humans apart, as noted in Sapiens—to “alter” our environment, including tidying our inner world. I’m just beginning this path, but it starts with self-awareness.
“I’ve never been jealous or envious of others.”
“I live happily and step out without worry.”
— A cheerful taxi driver
I never really knew him or his story, but his attitude moved me. Even months later, I still carry those words with me.
This world isn’t “absolutely” fair. People with money, power, or influence will always exist—society as it runs now needs them.
We can’t choose our birth or rewrite history. All we can do is use our unique experiences to write our own story.
As said above: a day in sorrow is still a day; so is a day in joy. Why grieve over what can’t be changed?
Live now. Be happy, stay healthy. If you want change, work to build the capacity for it. Otherwise, even the grandest dreams remain just that—dreams.
By the way, I like Folding Beijing partly because it vividly portrays how class divides shape reality—while those at the bottom may never touch the “truth,” life goes on as usual.
Recently—just realized I haven’t recorded much. These days have been too exhausting 😂
What happened:
Got home around early morning on the 15th. The journey wasn’t smooth: before takeoff, staff weren’t clear and I thought I’d missed the flight; security flagged me for a re-check (of course); my pass had expired and caused hassles; waited ages for my luggage (stood around half an hour thinking it hadn’t arrived 😅).
Didn’t move apartments as planned—couldn’t find a place—so everything’s still piled in my room. Then my sister and mom both got sick (fever, sneezing, runny nose, cough…), and I started sniffling too (Pic 3).
Recovered fairly quickly though—was basically fine by the 16th. Since then, I’ve been taking turns caring for my mom and sister: boiling water, buying meals, cooking, giving medicine, etc.
There were also things I didn’t really want to do but had to—like attending college-prep lectures my mom signed up for. Honestly, 90% of the content was either irrelevant or stuff I already knew; the remaining 10% wasn’t particularly helpful.
All in all—each day felt draining, with little progress on school or personal projects. But that’s life. Taking it step by step. Recent and past experiences have helped me let go—and maybe that’s a good thing.
One moment:
“The road ahead is long, with no end in sight.”
This morning I finally tidied my room. Later, after already sleeping 8.5 hours, I dozed off again on the couch for another 1.5 hours (around 5 pm).
Woke up, drank some water, ran 3km—and felt completely reset. Came home, stretched, hydrated, showered, ate, chatted with a friend, then went out again to grab a bite.
Tired—but meaningfully tired. Better than a whole day scrolling or gaming (for me, at least). Shifted the focus from self to life itself.
Let’s keep going. 🫡
(Below might sound a bit negative—not the intent. Read between the lines, don’t take it literally.)
Some of the friction lately might be due to my sister’s habits. I even made up a silly rhyme (don’t take it seriously—just for fun):
Won’t leave the room,
Won’t sleep on time, Won’t drink enough,
Won’t eat a meal*—
Just on the phone, gaming for real.
Weak immune system, always unwell?
No doctors, no meds,
“I won’t hear a thing you tell!
Unless the King of Hell comes for me,
I’ll live exactly how I want to be.”
*Irregular or below average
She mostly stays in bed, refuses to go out even for meals (eats very little—half or a third of a normal portion), stays up late, and when she’s sick, persuading her to drink water, see a doctor, or take medicine is a battle. She’d rather feel awful than adjust her “habits.”
Maybe it traces back to how she was raised—often indulged as a child. But that’s another story.
In short—while her lifestyle seems unhealthy and illness-prone, she’s stubborn and rarely listens to others.
Regardless, she’s added some complications to my return to Singapore. My mom and she crave different foods, so I sometimes walk over half an hour just to pick up separate meals. I also have to regularly remind her to drink water.
My mom’s been coughing badly—this morning she vomited on an empty stomach, then had muscle cramps. She slept poorly but still drank tea and asked me to buy pepper-spiked pig stomach soup (which probably isn’t helping, but she won’t listen 😅).
At lunch, the congee I brought was taken by my sister (who normally eats very little), and my mom didn’t want to eat at all. Took a lot of persuading to get her to have some soup and a bit of rice.
— Xiao Chen Stories
March 2025
